Whether a relationship lasted two years or two months, getting over someone isn’t easy. When a long term relationship ends, you mourn what was and what will never be. You reminisce about all of the milestones you reached with that person – often making them happier occasions than they actually were. You think about the moments you won’t have with that person and you freak out about having to start all over again. When a short relationship ends, you mourn for what could have been. You go over all of the little interactions that made you hopeful during that short period of time and you think of all of the happy what-if scenarios you created in your head.
Regardless of the circumstances, breakups are hard to do and hard to get over. I’ve been through my share of them. I have done the breaking up and I’ve been broken up with. While there is no concrete right or wrong way to get over someone, here are some of the actions I’ve employed that made me feel better – even if it was only a temporary relief.
Get Irrationally Emotional By Yourself
If you want to call me crazy, you can call me crazy. I deal with difficult situations by letting myself feel whatever it is I need to feel. But I do it in private. If I need to sob like a angry infant, I do it. If I need to throw a temper tantrum like a spoiled toddler, I do it. I cry, kick, scream, and/or throw things behind closed doors, whether by myself or with my cousin who knows when and how to intervene and calm me down. Take a day or two off from work and the world. Stay home, have the breakdown, get a good night’s sleep, and then return to dealing with the situation like a rational adult.
Get Rid Of Their Stuff
On the night of a particularly bad breakup, I got irrationally angry and then put all of the stuff my ex had left at my apartment in a laundry basket and left it in a park. I probably should have donated the clothing, but the idea of having to deal with his crap for one more day was too much for me. After other breakups, I returned belongings to exes and picked up my own, but I made sure the exchanges were brief and required little or no interaction. The sooner you remove the physical signs of them from your home and your everyday life, the sooner you can move on.
Cut off Contact
No matter how the relationship ended, the best way to start moving on immediately is to stop talking to your ex. If they broke up with you, don’t reach out to them and don’t answer if they contact you. Don’t tell them you miss them and don’t give them the benefit of your time after they ended it. Rely on others to help you heal, not the one who did the wounding. If you broke up with them, don’t ask how they are doing. They just got broken up with, they’re not doing well. Don’t give them a false sense of hope by acting like you care even if you do. Don’t try to be friends. That will take time and the best thing is for both parties to deal with the split on their own.
Remove The Triggers
Get rid of any evidence that will trigger thoughts of your ex. Take the pictures out of the frames and delete them from your phone. If you can’t bring yourself to throw them out just yet, put them in a box or on a flash drive and give them to a friend to hold for a while. Delete the texts and emails. Don’t torture yourself by staring at pictures or reading through old messages. It will only make the situation worse.
Get Busy
Allow yourself a couple of days to mope around in your pajamas and act like a slob. Then snap out of it. Do things to keep your mind off of what happened. Every night, make a to-do list of tasks that will keep you occupied the next day. Go to the gym. Go shopping. Make plans with friends. Make out with a stranger. Have a one night stand and don’t regret it. Go out and do something that reminds you that you are in control of your life and your happiness.
The last thing anyone who just ended a relationship wants to hear is that it will get easier or better with time, because for the time being everything sucks. You’re going to feel like crap for a while no matter what. Deal with all of the emotions for as long as you need too, but remember that every day you spend wallowing over the breakup is another day wasted on something that is over.
